Wanting something nowadays is such a luxury. Have you ever noticed that those who truly want and pursue something are indeed successful? Did you also notice that society and people won’t let you follow your desires? They set ideals for you; they voice their expectations and expect you to deliver.
In this context delivering means conceding, it means living up to someone’s prospects and idea of life. Delivering means losing identity by being “just another brick in the wall”.
I think every self-respecting person should fail in the grand responsibility of meeting people’s expectations. I totally refuse to accept any ideals but mine. As a passion-triggered woman, I refuse to accept the “find a good boy” advice. So boring! I refute the idea of embracing someone else’s ideal of leading a pink and peaceful family life with an ordinary, accommodating guy. This is so not I!
For me love is the freedom of choice. I want to choose, not to be chosen. I want to desire someone, not to stumble upon them and figure they may be a good match. I want the luxury to love the most inappropriate match and to make it happen. Because this is what I want, this is me, this is what makes me feel free – to follow my desires, to live my dreams, and to suffer my mistakes. My is the key word here.
The usual cliché – when people fall in love, they usually say “I didn’t expect it. It just happened”. What actually happens when they are not out there craving for someone specific is that they are just taking what they’re given for the sake of not being alone, or they make a “will do” match out of someone they initially didn’t pay attention to and didn’t even notice. Then they start bragging that they are in a love relationship which in most cases has more to do with compromising to someone else’s desire for you, getting used to this person, and then they are “in love”.
But where is the will in this scenario? Where is to passion to go for something? Isn’t this just a defeatist and waiting-to-happen position? An apathetic approach to love? I take what I’m given? The premature want is substituted for a social “will do”.
But it wouldn’t do, not for me. I don’t want things happening when I don’t really care if they will. I want things happening when I want them to happen. I don’t want my life to be seeded with accidental “it just happened”, I want my life to be full of “I made it happen”.
And I made it happen.