The Boyfriend Contract

I was browsing the web several months ago and I came across, what is deemed “the girlfriend contract”. I found it very funny to be honest and thought to myself, “Can this possibly be what men would really want from us?”

After giving it such thought, I decided this cannot be the case. However a contract of my own came about. Ladies, tell me what you think.

———————————————————————————————————————————————

I, Your Boyfriend, Solemnly Declare that:

I will cherish, love and respect you until the end of my days. In the unlikely event that you leave me, I will still continue to cherish, love and respect you and will always be there for you in case you need a ride to the hairdressers or someone to repair your car. I will never look at another woman ever again and will devote my whole life to you!

Should you want to go out with your friends on a girls night out I will not complain. I will quietly make myself something to eat, do the dishes after I am done and will go to bed thinking how lucky I am to have found you. Before I want to go out with my friends for a beer I will always ask you for permission way in advance. If you say that now it’s not a good time for that I will quietly obey. Your word is my command!

You are the prettiest woman on earth regardless of what you wear! No other woman does the things that you do better then you, not even my mother!

We will have sex only when you are in the mood for it. I am obliged to give you at least 3 orgasms before I allow myself to come. A blow job is out of the question, unless you get some sudden urge to suck onto something. If it happens that you do, I should never, ever make you swallow and will let you do it your way because my pleasure is secondary to yours.

I will never burp, fart or make any other disgusting noises when you are around.

Football, basketball, tennis, boxing and all other sports programs are for little boys. Responsible and mature men like watching soaps, cooking programs and Oprah Winfrey.

Instead of browsing the Internet I will help you with the house duties without being asked. And by that I mean cooking, cleaning, laundering and whatever else there is to be done. After we have dinner I am to wash the dishes so that you can sit and relax in front of the TV.

I will shave every day and will make every effort to look good for you. I am to act as a sophisticated, respectable and mature addition to you.

You are always right! Everything that upsets you is my fault. Every time you get upset I am to bring you flowers or gifts to make you feel better. Even if you don’t get upset I am still to bring you flowers,  gifts or take you to expensive restaurants at least twice a month so that you don’t forget how much I worship you.

I will pay all the bills at home or when we are out, while you can spend the money you make on clothes, shoes, make up or jewelry. If I don’t make enough to pay all the bills I will get a second job so that I can do so.

You are the best thing that ever happened to me! I am to tell you that at least 3 times a day every day for the rest of my pitiful and insignificant existence.

Signed________________                                         Date________________

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
TAGS: , ,
  • http://www.fml.com J.T.

    Haha, not funny, I think the girlfriend contract is better though and a lot more suiting

  • Selqnina

    This is so sad… poor men :D I will kill myself instead of signing this contract :D

    However, it’s funny, nice job! :)

  • muahaha

    MuahHAhahHA are you f*king kidding me, women, go to the kitchen and make me a salad… that is your place

  • http://www.brokeunlimited.com J.T.

    LMAO :)) Make me a salad!

  • Jo

    Only after you clean the toilet ;)

  • kat

    Ha ha! Loved it!

  • Pingback: iambitchgoddess

  • Mogwai

    This sounds almost exactly like the writing my girlfriend wanted me to sign for her last birthday. I guess I finally found her inspiration. I hope she does not take it too seriously, since i did sign—assuming that this was kind of a joke and since I am just a guy that is easily aroused :S

  • Thompson A 1967

    This contract sucks. I want Real man! Not a bitch. This contract want men to do things your girlfriend should be doing with you and what man does not watch sports? Whoever came up with this contract is nutz!!! Blossum

  • Rocklee2423

    THIS IS NOT FUNNY WTH LOL THIS IS LOOKING FOR a GIRL NOT a MaN -.-”